Greetings patrons! I had a series on my old blog where I talked about what I would do if I were in charge of various companies or IPs, called “King for a Day.” I’m resurrecting that series now for my patreon! And to start, I’m choosing one of the absolutely dumbest big corporations I can think of: Hasbro.

So why pick Hasbro?

I don’t want to get into a big discussion of Hasbro’s woes and missteps over the decades. I’ll simply say that Hasbro has mismanaged their brands and whenever they get something done that actually builds on one of their properties, it is almost always by accident rather than on purpose.

Secondly, I picked Hasbro because they control a TON of properties that I love, toys and games and series that I have a lot of great memories for and that I would enjoy seeing handled more competently. That’s why.

So what would I do differently?

D&D: Ah, my first love and most likely one of the main reasons (directly or indirectly) that you’re reading this in the first place. What would I do with D&D? Simple; I’d build this motherfucking brand, hard. What does this mean?

We know that D&D is a 150-million-dollar-brand, but it could be so much more. I’m thinking that you start with two tv series; one that’s animated that is either a reboot or continuation of the 83 cartoon, the other is a live-action series that focuses around how D&D influences lives outside of the table (positively, this would not be another mazes & monsters).

Next, you get Paramount back on-board for more live action films. You hire a great anime studio (ideally the folks who did Delicious in Dungeon) and get a crunchyroll anime going, possibly in the style of Record of Lodoss War.

You get a boardgame going, maybe a special edition of heroquest or something else. You get a toy line of action figures and playsets based on the tv series or the anime or both.

You build. That. Brand.

I’d back up a dump truck of money to Matt Mercer and see what it would take to get a five-year contract with Critical Role to play D&D every week.

I’d get another dump truck and send it to Larian to make Baldur’s Gate 4 and 5.

Lastly, I’d stop any and all plans to involve AI in D&D in any way, shape, or form. Fuck that shit.

Transformers: Hasbro hasn’t been doing too badly on this front, but it could still do better. The Energon Universe comics are going great guns combining this and GIJOE, and I’m all there for it. I’d be commissioning an animated series based on that ASAP, plus toys.

I’d do a follow-up film to Transformers One. I’d get my writers working on some kind of “spider-verse” of Transformers we could work up as a Netflix show. I’d use this idea to bring the Gobots on board as an “alternate dimension” of Transformers. Maybe have some kind of epic showdown between the two toy lines while I’m at it. You could use some event like this to trim the fat and eliminate any characters from both franchises that… just don’t work real well (many, many Gobots, and some of the Transformers).

I’d make some super-detailed versions of the characters as prestige toys (granted, they are already doing this, but they’re stupid expensive). I’d sell prints and posters of that awesome box art from back in the day. I’d make a book that collected all of the G1-G2 artwork and back-of-the-box cards in one place.

I’d promote a world tour of the Cybertronic Spree to help promote all this cool stuff and to thank the Spree for their awesome efforts.

GIJOE: The poor Joes have had it rough lately. First, I’d try and work with the Russo brothers or the John Wick guys to create a serious, bad-ass live action film. Second, I’d try to get another animated series going, but this one would be balls-to-the-wall action. I’m thinking PG-13.

I’d get Firaxis or a similar company to make an XCOM-style turn-based-strategy game that focuses on the Joes fighting Cobra.

MASK: Energon Universe is already working with these guys and they make a good fit there. I’d also look at ways to bring them into Transformers/GIJOE as a third faction and possibly ally with characters from both franchises to try and build an interesting narrative bridge that can connect all three naturally. This is probably a good time to keep this property going in comics rather than anything else, but there’s some value there for sure.

Micronauts: Step number one is to work out a deal with Marvel where they can use all the stories and characters from the comics in the MCU if they want. Step two is to make sure Hasbro can use the stories and characters from the comics as well and bring them into the Energon Universe. If none of the above is possible, oh well… but there should be an attempt.

Rom: Similar to the Micronauts, I’d talk to Marvel about making him available to the MCU. He’s part of so many Marvel stories that it would make him a natural fit, and I’d wine and dine some MCU luminaries (James Gunn and the Russos come to mind) to see if they’re interested in the property.

Gobots: Bring ’em into the Energon Universe, and I discussed some ways to make them interesting in the Transformers entry above.

Inhumanoids: This is honestly one of my favorite ideas–take this property and make an R-rated horror animated series and put it on Shudder (or Netflix). Inhumanoids has a TON of horror potential if it is handled right, and it could be a big show no one sees coming!

This is another property that would benefit from a great video game. I’d consider approaching Owlcat and get them on board to make an RPG about this.

Jem and the Holograms: First thing I’d do is get the team that made My Little Pony big about a decade ago and give them a big-ass budget to make the same thing happen with Jem. Ideally, this would take the form of an animated show, but I’d definitely schedule some meetings with any interested filmmakers and showrunners and get some ideas on ways to bring Jem back into the spotlight.

TikTok strikes me as a great angle for getting people to sing Jem tunes or show off their Jem love with temporary tattoos or filters.

Visionaries: Bring these guys into the Energon Universe. Keep expanding the Hasbro world and see if there’s ways to make this concept exciting again. The magic and holograms angle are great for an animated series or an anime (I’d go after the team that made Overlord).

Zoids: Definitely time for an anime. Grab a studio that makes good stuff (like Solo Leveling) and pay them to make another great Zoids anime. Support it with a great toy line and some board games.

MERCHANDISE: Where’s my MASK hoodie? My GIJOE ball cap? Hasbro needs to get a team-up with someone like Thinkgeek or 80’stees and go nuts producing all kinds of ways Gen Xers can show off their geek cred.

Gen X Nostalgia: This is the perfect time to go all-in on the Gen X crowd. Produce a G1 Transformers retrospective, a GIJOE A Real American Hero documentary, etc.